Arrest Patterns

I was sleeping outdoors on my huge white bed, and it was raining. I was dressed and some police officers approached me. I had my pot and pipe in my pocket. These cops looked like they were from New York, Italian or Sicilian. They were handsome and rugged. This one cop starts asking me questions, and I was focusing on my pipe. Then I thought I shouldn't do that, and this cop then acted like he could read my mind and started subtly coming on to me. About 5 cops were suddenly surrounding me, and I was afraid it was going to turn into a sex scene. EOD.

Comment: I'm usually not afraid of sex; although I had a talk with a long time gay friend Dave this weekend and we really got to some deep issues with our relationships, sexuality, patterns and the gay community here in Boulder/Denver.

Viral Emissions: Dreams of Nigel Ayers

I had the following dream on October 18th, 2009 while on my honeymoon in Maine.

Nocturnal Emissions Tribute
I am at home in Cincinnati. I am part of a Nocturnal Emissions tribute show that is going to happen at the Southgate House. In fact, I have to go to a meeting in the parlour of the Southgate House to discuss the show with other people involved. My friends Paul Bartley, Andrew Hissett and I will be performing one of cover versions of a Nocturnal Emissions song. Inside the parlor we talk about the logistics of having the Nocturnal Emissions tribute.

Then my wife and I are sitting on a park bench talking to a guy named Adam who works at the library with me. I call him Adam West, though I’m thinking of Herbert West. He is talking to me about the Nocturnal Emissions tribute show. He says, “You guy’s sounded good. Especially your keyboard part, the pattern you copied from my keyboard.” Images of going to his apartment to copy some code from his keyboard into my Korg MS2000 fill my mind. I am excited about the feedback.

It seems there was a tribute CD put together as well and a book. Nigel Ayers has come into town for for a release party associated with the cd/book. I am at the release party. People are talking about the book. Andy Hissett and I flip through it, really surprised by some of the contributors, such as Metallica, and other even more mainstream people. It is laid out in a very graphic, collage style. I point at the cover and say, “It looks like it was designed by R. Crumb” the famous comic artist. Adam is quick to point out that it wasn’t R. Crumb but another “crumb” who draws in a similar style and may even be a pen name of Crumb’s. Inside the tribute book is a book of R. Crumb’s comics about roots / blues / country musicians. I want to buy a copy of the tribute book. There are two versions. One is an oversized folio and is signed by Nigel Ayers. The other is octavo sized. I look at the octavo: it is made up of loosely bound cards, flexi vinyl discs, and other bric a brac. The folio is the same, but the flexi discs in it are so oversized I don’t think I’ll be able to put them on the turntable. So I decide to buy the small one and ask Nigel to sign it for me. It’s twenty bucks.

Then Nigel and I get to talking. I tell him I want to review the book for Brainwashed, “after I’ve had time to sit with it,” I say. He understands. I explain to him, “I reviewed your Nightscapes album.” He seems appreciative.

The book is held together by elastic bands going through a hole in one corner of the hard board. Holding it, it turns into a bracelet, made up of over-the-counter style drug packets, pill holders, the kind that are cased in plastic and foil, that you have to punch the foil out to get to the pill. This is an accessory that Nigel made to come with the book. Nigel says to me, “I’m a multimedia artist. I don’t limit myself to specific forms, only to what needs to be created.” He is a writer, musician, video and visual artists.

About a year after this dream I finally got in touch with Nigel. I shared the dream with him, and then I asked him if he would do an interview with me. The interview is finally done and is up now on Brainwashed.

I’ve also reviewed his recent album “In Dub Volume 1,” and the ‘zine he produced between 1990 and 1999, “Network News” which is now available as a print-on-demand trade paperback.

This dream also inspired some of my own work in another area. After having it I begin to obsess over “multidimensional art”. Last winter I’d planned on writing a Manifesto of Multidimensional Art, or MOMA. I wrote some notes down, but nothing came of it, and yet the idea and desire to write it never left my mind. Somehow, at the beginning of march I was infused with an upsurge of inspiration (Thank you Mnemosyne). Once I saw the way to structure the manifesto -in the pattern of the Qabalistic Tree of Life- writing it came easily. It is now available in the Spring Equinox edition of Silver Star: A Journal of New Magick. Shade, the editor, also published my poem Earth Goddess (also dream inspired, but from a different dream).

Image above is of Nigel Ayers

Speaking my Truth

I had this dream last week about the time I requested that Na'ton give me proof.

I am in an Italian Villa. Nice place, probably not mine. My ex-friend Rick Vito was there (doctor) and he is demanding to know what's in my pocket. Since I am dreaming, I suddenly tune into my pocket, where I have a silver gun. Although he is demanding to know, and I feel its none of his business, I say, "Not your concern, dude."

Suddenly Rick pulls out a black gun and points it at me. I manage to slip out the kitchen door and head down the brick alley. I notice a wooden gate up ahead, with an arch. I am sensing just as soon as I make it through that arch, I will be safe.

Just as I am about to open the door, Rick burst through, grabs my neck, forces the barrel of the gun into my mouth, pulls the trigger and blows out my brains. As I am dying, I collapse, surrender and go into a fetal position. Suddenly there are these swhirling, soothing lights, earthy colors and I am attracted and drawn into them, knowing that I am dying. The last thing I remember is: "Hey, there was no pain!"

So for me the old adage that if you get killed in a dream you die in real life obviously didn't work on me.

Initiation Dream 2 years ago

I was with a friend (woman) I did not recognize her but new she was my friend. She asked if she could introduce me to someone. I agreed and she led to a basement suite abode, I remember it looked much like Bourbon St.New Orleans. We went in and there was an very old woman standing in a brown cloak. She spoke told me she had a snake that she wanted me to meet. I agreed. I looked behind me and there it was. A huge female snake (I felt she was a female). The woman asked if I would like to be shallowed by the snake. She said she (the snake) likes to do this. I without any fear agreed. I felt very comfortable while i lay and wait. So I lied down and she began to swallow me whole. It was the most wonderful feeling. She swallowed me up with my head cradled in her head. It felt warm and peaceful as I was being devoured. It was a very slow process (the swallowing part). It seemed I was in her for a long long time. Then she began to push me out slowly. It was so warm I did not want to leave. When I stood up I looked at her (snake) and she looked sorry that I had to leave. I awoke and wrote it in my dream diary.

Hypnagogia, Sleep Paralysis, and Parasomnias

Dream- 12-12-10 – half moon rising

Sleep Paralysis Pills

A deceased friend of mine offered me pills that cause sleep paralysis, the effect of being awake and aware without being able to move one’s body. They were called Necro – something or other - or corpse pills. I was apprehensive about trying them as the effect did not sound desirable. An eerie feeling seemed attached to the perceived vulnerability and helplessness of such a state. I was trying to figure what could be the benefits of such a state. I woke up with that perplexed and eerie feeling-thought. My friend seemed to suggest that these pills will – fuck you up – reminding me of past questing for the magic and madness of altered states of consciousness that I had pursued in the past, but not so much now. That is All.

Since the dream though I have recalled other hypnagogic experiences where sleep paralysis was a component and the experiences were not necessarily undesirable. It makes me wonder though whether there are supplements, herbs, or pharmaceuticals that can bring on such experiences.

Having had some very interesting Hypnagogic experiences – typically accompanied by bodily sensations of vibrating chakras, strange engaging sounds, sensations of falling, and occasional words and sounds – I have become conscious in these states several times and
have done some spiritual practices in this situation – although usually short-lived as the state seems unstable.

Currently I am reading a most excellent book called – The Head Trip: Adventures on the Wheel of Consciousness by Jeff Warren (2007). There is a chapter devoted to hypnagogia with some interesting info from a researcher named Andreas Mavromatis. Apparently, Mavromatis as well as being a Ph. D. researcher is also a shaman-mystic specializing in the Ancient Greek (and Egyptian) Mystery traditions. He has 2 books that I found listed: Hypnagogia: The Unique State of Consciousness Between Wakefulness and Sleep and
Travelling Light: Glimpses of Modern Day Initiation. Mavromatis gave four stages of hypnagogia: 1) flashes of light and color, 2) floating, drifting, faces, nature scenes, 3) autosymbolic phenomena, and 4) hynagogic dreams. When I was in my upper teens I had a hypnagogic dream very similar to an astral projection experience where I became lucid and moved along the floor horizontally like a hovering serpent. I moved down the steps into the kitchen and then down the basement steps where I saw my dad there. Knowing I was in a dream/astral state I attempted to get his attention but he did not notice me. Soon after I woke up – still very early in the evening – and immediately went down to the basement where my dad was just as I saw him. I asked him if had noticed anything unusual but I he said no so I just forgot about it. Anyway, from this experience and a few others I am thinking that hypnagogic dreams, or lucid dreams associated with hypnagogia, may be synonymous with some astral projection phenomena. There is, of course, an imaginary/imagery component so that one may have astral projecting experiences without being asleep. Warren notes that the hypnagogic state can be associated with learning. He suggests it as “the ultimate paradigm-busting tool. It can be a situation where conventional wisdom and consensual reality loosen their grip – where images and metaphors wield more influence. Epiphanic learning of scientists and artistic epiphanies have also been associated with hypnagogia.

Anyway, getting back to sleep paralysis, here are some quotes from Warren’s book:

“Sleep paralysis is one of a suite of sleep disorders known as the parasomnias., and an excellent example of how brain mechanisms governing one state of consciousness can malfunction and intrude onto another. With sleep paralysis, a person wakes up out of REM sleep and tries to rise, but their brain stem is slower to make the transition and continues to inhibit muscle activity (muscle paralysis, aka “atonia,” being one of the trhee REM traits). In addition, body paralysis is often paired with what are called “hypnagogic hallucinations” – aural and visual elements from the dream world superimposed overtop of the waking world.”

Here is a quote about the physiology of sleep paralysis and its progression:

“Not being able to move your muscles can be terrifying, a condition that can trigger hyperventilation, followed by respiratory constriction, and pressure on the chest. Hyperventilation can lead, paradoxically, to a lack of oxygen in the brain, which can result in hyperacusis – a condition in which sounds in the room become amplified and distorted – and the stimulation of sexual pleasure centers of the brain, a kind of involuntary autoerotic asphyxiation.”

When I was a teen I would get these types of experiences rather frequently, typically on Sunday nights, although I never figured out why then – perhaps the transition from free time to school or work time was looming in my brain. Sometimes, and now more often if they come, I can relax into the experience and fall into the groundless space and meditate – usually with some grasp of conception though as in reciting various litanic meditations.
Perhaps being a meditator helps one in this condition as in meditation one practices disengaging from the senses and paralysis is basically a disconnection from feeling the body so there is perhaps a light that goes on in the brain connecting the sleep paralysis state with that of meditation. I think one would be less inclined to be terrified if one is accustomed to spending time in a bodily state that has some similarities to paralysis. In this condition, I have noticed that the terror quickly subsides and one can more consciously observe the sonic distortions. However, I have never personally experienced any sexual arousal or phenomena in this state. It is definitely a state of lucidity at times though.

Warren notes a few studies where the prominence of folk beliefs surrounding sleep paralysis may actually dictate whether more people have these experiences and how often. The old hag of Nova Scotia, the hag of the African Gullah people, the Japanese kanashibari demon, incubus/succubus phenomena of the Middle Ages, and alien adbuction scenarios may all be sleep paralysis phenomena or closely related to it. Night terrors of children may also fall into this category. Chronic sleep paralysis is considered a disorder but most people only experience it on occasion. I found a few other books listed one of which I ordered: Dark Intrusions: An Investigation into the Paranormal Nature of Sleep Paralysis Experiences (the one I ordered); Sleep Paralysis: A Guide to Hynagogic Visitors and Visions of the Night; Sleep Paralysis: Night-Mares, Nocebos, and the Mind-Body Connection; Thirdeye and the Boogieman: Invisible Beings and Sleep Paralysis? – this book seems to be fiction related to real life experiences where the author equates the beings as real entities and seemingly with evil intent, where our thoughts are harvested in the night and the author says he has a thirdeye consciousness which the entities seek to remove so he hides and evades them; The Parasomnias and Other Sleep-Related Movement Disorders – this one seems to be a textbook but too expensive: The Terror That Comes in the Night: An Experience-Centered Study of Supernatural Assault Traditions (American Folklore Society) – this one examines the folklore.

Finally, I wanted to point to an interesting quote from Warren about the work of Mavromatis:

“By stimulating deep subcortical structures, he says {Mavromatis}, the hypnagogic may be a way to integrate insights from all levels of the brain: the reptilian brain stem, the mammalian limbic system, the egocentric frontal cortex... Indeed at the crossroads of dreaming and waking the hypnagogic represents a kind of “doubling “ of consciousness – not a regression but a progression, a “future step in evolution” that might one day lead to an “enriched” consciousness for the whole species.”

Apparently, Mavromatis talks about loosening ego boundaries as akin to the hypnagogic state. This all sounds rather Maatian in implication.

Also of interest is this very informative blogsite of Ryan Hurd (Author of one of the above books):

http://dreamstudies.org/

Soul Recovery Work and the Rite of Children

This year the Horus-Maat Lodge's New Moon/11 Star Working ritual is the Rite of Children. Details of the rite can be found here: http://horusmaat.com/elevenstarworking.html One of the things I am interested in doing this year, is to track my "inner children" via dreams, and more fully integrate them into my adult self. Having performed the rite twice, once on the December New Moon, and again around the solstice live on Silver Star Radio episode 3, this powerfully transformative magick seems to have already begun its alchemy.

While I did not perform the ROC proper on the New Moon, I did engage in some soul recovery work, regaining portions of myself that had been traumatised as a teen with the aid of shamanic drumming and dream re-entry. This Work begin on January third with this dream:

On Leaving My Tent At the Creek

I am at my Dad's house and my Mom is there. I am getting ready to go on a solo camping trip in the wooded valley's across the street from our house. My Mom tells me a number of things, but I forget what it is she said. I go into the valley, and into the creek. It is raining heavily. I decide to jump in the creek and swim. Only there are a lot of obstructions as I go upstream, fallen branches and piles of brush that cross the stream. I climb over some. But then I decide to go back home leaving my tent on a pile of branches that are bridging the stream. When I do my Mom is upset that I left the tent out in the woods.

Feelings on waking: Happy to see Mom.

Reality check: Mom is on the Other Side now. There are valleys, creeks, and woods in between the streets in the neighborhood I grew up in. I played in them from the time I was 8 until adulthood basically. I dream of these landscapes often which to me represent the magic of childhood.

Motto: Go back, get the tent, and continue the journey.

Action plan: re-enter this dream to continue conversation with Mom and get my tent. 　

On the New Moon of January 4th in Lugh of the Rite of Children, I utilized the Dream Reentry technique learned from the teachings of Robert Moss.

Reclaiming My Tent from Where I left Off

I re-entered this dream with the aid of a monotonous shamanic drumming track. At first, after starting the drumming track, I attempted to reestablish contact with my Mom, but there wasn't much traction there. And I hadn't gotten thoroughly entrained by the drumming yet. When that happens I usually feel a spinning sensation. When I started to feel it, I changed tactics, heading towards the creek in the valley I used to play in as a kid. I took the tent back from where I had left it in the previous dream. I realized I had further to go, and hiked up on a nearby ridge. The tent was pitched and I had a fire. But the creek was still calling me. I went back to it and I saw its trails as if I was viewing them again as a child. Then I remembered one of the last times I visited the creek. I was sixteen and with my friend Paul. It was the day I placed my daughter for adoption. I had just gotten home with my parents who had taken me to the agency to sign the adoption papers. When I got back I went with Paul to the creek and we smoked a joint there. I saw him and I sitting on a log across the creek clearly. I sent healing energy back to myself at this time, and I suddnely realized how much stuck energy of my own I left on that log crossing creek that day. Part of me had still been "camped out" there from the tremendous loss I went through that day. But I am happy that I have my tent now and am able to move on. That seems to be what my Mom was directing me to go get. I also thought of the book "The Neverending Story" while in the re-entry, of the stories I wrote and those I wanted to write back then when I was sixteen.

Feelings: while the drumming was on, and when I finally realized what my Mom had directed me to, I felt wave after wave of energy going through me, chills, etc. Healing tears while still in the re-entry. But also strength that I gave back to myself from me to the past, while still taking the past with me now. I don't need to leave myself stuck on that log anymore.

Reality Check: The events of the day were traumatic and I immediately sought escape via marijuanna. The Neverending Story is one of my favorite books and was also the favorite of my daughters Mom. I just gave my daughter a copy of it for this Christmas just past. I inscribed in it how meaningful the book remains to me, and how it was one of the things her Mom and I bonded over when we first met. To me now, it means my own story must continue, I have more stories to write. Part of my agreement with my sixteen year old self is to write the stories he will enjoy.

Action plan: Write the stories my sixteen year old self will enjoy.

Then on the morning of January sixth I had the following spontaneous dream which seems to be a continuation of the work. 　

Poetry Is Given Back to Me / Tent Camping at Lughnassadh

I am at my parents house on the front porch, and then in the living room. A bunch of my teenage friends are with me, including Paul. I feel like a teenager. Another teen/young man joins the rest of us. He reminds me of another guy named Justin, but then he changes to someone else. He has a sheaf of papers for me, all written in black ink. He gives them to me and I realize they are my poems. He then hands me a stack of CDs. I realize these are homemade recordings of my friends and I playing music. I tell him about the CDs, "Thanks for giving these back to me. These aren't available anywhere else!".Then I start talking to him more. He tells me "I walked all the way here from Northern Kentucky". He flashes briefly and looks like a slightly rugged but still beautiful blonde girl, before changing back. I ask him what he does. He seems to work/live in Daniel Boone National Forest in KY. Soon we are all on a camping trip together with family on my Moms side. It's a family reunion. While we all are camped close together I have my own tent. The guy tells me something about this camp out being a Lughnassadh gathering, and that it has to do with the worship of Lugh. Some information about Lugh comes to me, but it is around this time I start waking up. The information was all very intangible.

Feelings: Elated

Reality Check: I know nother person named Justin. I think the other Justin in this dream was quite obviously myself. It feels like a continuation of the soul recovery work I did on the fourth reported in "Reclaiming my tent, moving on from where I left off" which was itself a reentry from the dream fragment "On Leaving the Tent at the Creek". The work seems to have been completed in this dream with the regifting of poems and music that "someone else" who was a lost part of me still had. This felt like a reintegration. Paul was my friend who I smoked the joint at the creek with in the previous dream. We used to have a maternal family reunion camping trip every summer (possibly around Lughnassadh, which is also close to my bday) in a park in KY that was part of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Lugh is a Celtic God.

Action plan: Study more about Lugh, and use him as one of the "Children" in subsequent Rites. Look at some of my poetry from when I was a teen. Lughnassadh might be a time marker for an actual camping trip in Kentucky, which is where my Moms family is from.

Image of Lugh by Taryn Shrigley.

Yule-New Years Ritual Dreams

Over the last week or so Ive had the most astounding ritualistic dreams I can ever remember having

Around Solstice I had an astoundingly clear dream- Im leading a mass ritual on top of a hill, clear day , white clouds and blue sky. We are in the partial ruins of a huge and sacred castle- but now open- Tintegel? Camelot? Something primal and mystical like this. Color banners, all kinds of people dressed almost like Renaissance folks- all gathering about. I called them all together at a big stone altar and did a loud invocation of the 4 quarters and of the gods- I had trouble focusing on which was E<>

New years- awoke to a partially forgotten dream- Im in the mountains, all snow covered, almost white out- Im on a peak doing a ritual, I know that it is an HML ritual and I am calling forth the double current…at the peak of my calling forth names of power I hear a climber crawling up the side of the cliff Im overlooking- but I cant see it/him/her- I began to be filled with terror, I know is some demonic beast…or?... and I prepare to defend myself…when suddenly a hand comes over the cliff than another; it is a very dirty and very hairy wild man, but not anything demonic- in fact I feel happy to see him and help him over the lip- and awake…

Last night: Pulled from a deep deep dream where I am involved in a complex and deep ritual- I remember using Abrahadabra and Ipsos and a number of other power words- weaving protective but also very active magick ritual for…got woken up!

Tried to go back to it but not really able to- have felt headachey and out of it all day- moral: don’t interrupt intense dreamtime rituals!